San Francisco’s proposed CAREN Act legislation

Progressivism gone wrong?


Dear San Franciscan:

Should you ever find yourself observing suspicious activity anywhere in your city, you may want to think twice before calling the police. Especially if the suspect happens to be non-white.

You see, there’s this new proposed legislation called the CAREN Act, which is designed to “specifically make it unlawful to file a report based on a person’s race or ethnicity” among other things.

According to one of your city’s lawmakers who introduced this ordinance, Supervisor Shamann Walton, “We have to stop calling 911 and the police and weapon-izing on people of color because it literally means life and death for some of us.”

But don’t worry. Given today’s political climate, I’m sure you’ll still be allowed to call 911 on whites. I mean, what are they going to do? Call you a racist?

Nonetheless, I caution you: If it just so happens that you dial 911 to report on a suspicious black or brown person, please be aware that you could be charged with a “hate crime” if it turns out that their activities were not illegal after all.

Yes, I get it – nowadays it’s hard to tell what’s legal or illegal in the most rainbow city on earth. Shooting hard drugs and defecating on public streets… that’s still legal there, right?

Anyways, back to the CAREN act. I forgot to mention that you could also get sued for up to $10,000 in damages. Not to mention getting fired from your job and having your whole life ruined because you’ll forever be known as a racist.

By the way, feel free to thank the “progressive” liberals that run your city for this, specifically Mr. Walton (correct pronoun, right?) who was evidently inspired by a meme.

Yes, a meme. The “Karen” meme to be exact.

I’m sure you’re familiar with it by now – it’s been circulating all over on social media. There’s lots of videos out there.

But in case you’ve been without Internet for the past couple of months, the Karen meme is used to mock the annoying middle-aged, self-entitled, bitchy white women that complain about everything. 

Of course, we all know that “Karens” harass white people too. But the media – for political reasons – make it seem like they target mostly black people.  

What’s problematic with the CAREN act – especially for whites – is that you won’t be able to question any colored person for any reason at all. Even under legitimate circumstances. Doing so could put you at risk of being labelled the dreaded R-word. (No, not Rude… Racist).

But not just a racist. Other words, too: Islamophobic, homophobic, transphobic, etc. Because the CAREN act would also cover “religious affiliation, gender, sexual orientation, or gender identity.”

Don’t panic just yet, though. The CAREN Act has not been signed into law by your city’s mayor.  So there’s some hope it may not go through. 

Anyways, good luck with that.